The Milk

The Milk

Over the years, a few guests at House of Toxins have been lucky enough to be introduced to the milk. What is the milk you ask? Well, have a seat, untie your shoes, and get ready to learn a little history…

The milk joined the House of Toxins at some point in the 1990’s… I’ll update this post with more precise dates at some point. The milk started off as many other provisions are one to do, in a relatively plain brown paper bag, carried home from Andronico’s. The milk had prestigious beginnings, earning it the pride of being organic, Straus Family Creamery milk, in a glass bottle. From there the milk was placed in the ancient refrigerator and casually made its way to the back left corner, where it lay in rest… for months and months.

Eventually House of Toxins upgraded from the ancient fridge to a slight more recent model, that was still quite old (I was on a budget, used refrigerators were a thing for a bit). It was then that the milk resurfaced, making its debut as an integral part of the House of Toxins. At this stage on its existence, the milk still looked pretty much like the day it arrived, although it was probably closer to a toddler than an infant. After very little consideration, we decided to make the milk part of the House of Toxins family, and it was placed in the back left corner of the slightly newer fridge.

The milk as an adolescent, 2003

Over the next 2-3 years, the milk matured, leaving behind the expectations the world set for it, and defining itself for what it wanted to be. The initial transformation resulting in a bottle of light green liquid looking something like diluted antifreeze, with a pretty solid ball of something looking like mozzarella in the bottom. Occasionally the milk would join us for cocktail parties or dinner, and even an occasional BBQ in the back yard.

Somewhere in the early 2010’s there was another upgrade to another used fridge, and of course the milk had a reserved spot in the back left of the newer fridge. At this point the milk still had the lovely translucent chartreuse liquid, but the solid ball in the bottom has dissipated in to a white dust, much like one might find in the bottom of a shaky snow globe. Also, the cardboard and foil cap was noticeably concave, as if the milk were desperately trying to pull the world closer, but blocked by the unbreakable seal.

The milk it it’s very first brand new fridge, April 2013

It was a big day in April 2018, when the House of Toxins purchased its very first new refrigerator, an LG Electronics 24.1 cu. ft. French Door Refrigerator in Stainless Steel, with Dual Ice Makers (it sucked, don’t get one). As me moved the milk into it’s new home it became very clear that the liquid lactose we had always thought of as a child had very much come into adulthood… while previously every couple of years brought new and exciting physical changes, there was now more consistency when we spent time together. There was even some darkening starting to show on the label.

July 2021 we had a scare, when the refrigerator lost all its coolant and ceased performing the you had one job aspect of a refrigerator, keeping items cool. There was no emotionally attachment to anything else in the fridge, so everything other than the milk was heartlessly discarded in a trash that sat 6 days in the summer heat before being picked up by sanitation workers deserving hazard pay. The milk spent a week vacationing in the kegerator while waiting for repairs to its permanent housing.

The milk, October 2022, shortly before re-arranging all of this to move it to its proper spot, the back left corner.

Fast forward to October, 2022 and a brand new, even better fridge replaced the pretty-new-but-not-loved previous fridge. After initially arranging the fridge, a rearrangement was necessary to ensure the milk was in its comfort zone, the back left corner.

It was during the 2022 move that we realized we had likely forgotten the milk’s 25th birthday, so we look forward to making it up at a future social event celebrating the magic it has brought to our lives, and the world in general.

Home sweet home
The milk in 2005, when it was supposedly ~15 years old. Courtesy Tim Samoff Flickr.